of music and sadness

What came first, the music or the misery?
- Rob, from Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity

There are certain periods in my life which I remember best by the songs I listen to at the time. When I first fell in love, I remember listening a lot to the mix tape made for me by an ex-boyfriend. It contained songs by Club 8, Stina Nordenstam, and a slew of other indie pop artists which I instantly loved and continue to love until now. The mix tape was then my most priced possession because it was an extension of my boyfriend. When he couldn’t be with me all I have to do was pop the tape on the player and he is there, chasing away my loneliness. When we broke up I couldn’t bear to listen to the songs again. The songs have lost all meaning and became just sad reminders of a love gone bad. Thankfully the memories attached to those songs have long been erased and I can now listen to them again without feeling anything.

After we broke up I just listened to sad songs by random artists in my mp3 player. There are certain songs though that helped me get through grieving, and the one that stand out most is from one of my fave artists, Beth Orton. From her “Comfort of Strangers”:

One love is better than not enough
I’d rather have no love
Than messing with the wrong stuff
It’s just the comfort of strangers
Always the comfort of strangers...

Right now I’m recovering again from another lost love, a love which I found coincidentally at the time I discovered the music of the band called “A girl called Eddy.” It was probably bad timing since now there’s again a face and memory to link the music to. A girl called Eddy’s music is a lovely mix of tender vocals and poignant lyrics…very addictive stuff. I find myself listening to their album almost everyday now, most of the time while traveling to and from work, and daydreaming of someone who could never be mine. It’s his face I remember when Erin Moran (the vocalist) sings these lines from Tears all over Town:

I'm scattered like newspapers all over the street
I see your face in everyone I meet
I'm avoiding the corners
I'm avoiding your name
I know that I loved you but I loved you in vain

Such is my life...music and misery. When another chapter in my life unfolds I’m hoping the soundtrack will be full of happy tunes about driving until sundown and waking up to sunshine.